Monday, June 30, 2008
a yellow and old light
time is at de side,
suffocating without
uttering a word
loneliness starts
wif completely
no sense of
propriety
dun understand
de difference
between light
and heavy
slience propping
up jumps
across to
strange
quietly watching
early dawn
and dusk
ur body
shape
loses balance,
slowly sinks
darkness is
already flying
around in mid
air should
proceed where,
i cannot see
maybe love is in
another end of de
dream, no way of
living in real space
i wan to go back to de past
i am trying to hold u in my arms
de sheepish face carries a bit of childishness
i wan to see de world u see
i wan to be in ur dream's frame
as long as i can depend on being
together i can then feel de sweetness
i wan to go back to de past
i am trying to let de story continue
at least i dun let u leave me again
drivert time's attention
tis time i will hold u even more tightly
i request u to stay like tis
i dun noe if i am too late or not
i wan to go back to de past
my thoughts are unceasingly
stopping memories from being
broadcasted blindly chasing and
searching, still vastly empty
de dusky night, i am sleepy
but i dun noe where to hide
de moment i turned around,
loneliness is already lying by
my side
i wan to go back to de past
i am trying to hold u in my arms
de sheepish face carries a bit of childishness
i wan to see de world u see
i wan to be in ur dream's frame
as long as i can depend on being
together i can then feel de sweetness
i wan to go back to de past
i am trying to let de story continue
at least i dun let u leave me again
drivert time's attention
tis time i will hold u even more tightly
i request u to stay like tis
i dun noe if i am too late or not
i wan to go back to de past
slience propping
up jumps
across to
strange
quietly watching
early dawn
and dusk
ur body
shape
loses balance,
slowly sinks
i wan to go back to de past
promise me tat u won't leave me!!!
2:58 AM
Sunday, June 29, 2008
i juz dun noe!!! u lier... i noe u dun wan 2 talk 2 me, but still u dun haf 2 treat me like tat??? i noe u haf found ur love!!! u keep alot of things from me!!! i dun noe, everything u say 2 me, it's all a lie now... hais, i dun noe can!!! pls, i really dun noe wad 2 do??? continue 2 lie 2 me... thk!!! u lier... i tel u k, 1 day i will prove u wrong!!! thk ar, continue 2 do tis...
Baby Mushroom!!! it hurts 2 breath cuz every breath i take shows tat u r important 2 me!!! i won't make u worry again!!!
promise me tat u won't leave me!!!
3:50 AM
Saturday, June 28, 2008
i called u everyday but still couldn't get through u!!! sometimes ur aunt say u went down, then sometimes ur mum say u r sleeping... nobody noe wad happen 2 me only ... noe & god noe!!! hais... i really dun noe!!! i didn't give up but still no matter how hard i try 2 get u everyday, u r still not there... only ... will comfort me & cool me down... i juz dun understand... everyday i was hoping 4 ur call, do u noe tat??? no, u dun... i sleep also i couldn't sleep in peace... everyday i muz sleep late in de morning... everyday i haf 2 do tis then i watch tv till late in de morning everyday juz 2 keep myself entertain... but still no matter wad i do, u r still not there but my mind will always be full of u... idiot!!! i juz hate it... juz couldn't get u out of my mind!!! juz wondering, why am i like tis & there u are so happy... i'm sorry if i'm rude or wad but i juz couldn't take it... JUZ WANNA TEL U I WAN 2 DIE SO MUCH BUT WAD CAN I DO??? i waited & waited... everyday, u noe??? but also juz couldn't hear ur voice!!! everybody lies... i hate tis world... nobody can keep their promise... i believe i haf make a wrong choice by making de wrong decision... juz let me die idiot!!! u said time's up, game's over??? was our love a game??? idiot... ju z make me cry everyday!!! so bad!!!
i read ur horoscope... "With so much going on, it's easy to forget to make time for the people who mean the most to you. Make catching up with you sweetheart your top priority today. Take the time to really listen and be there..." de horoscope seems 2 be true but juz tat de person didn't do it only... hais...
2day is a bad day, tat's all i can say, i dun noe la, juz feel like leaving tis stupid idiot world!!! i hate everything abt me & i hate MY LIFE!!! i hate it... i'm so sad, i hate myself & i hope i can get lost... i wan 2 disappear from tis place!!! pls help me can!!! everything i do now, i juz feel like dying!!! i dun wan 2 do tis anymore... i had so much enough of MY LIFE!!! hell man, i'm really going through hell!!! kill me... i wanna die anyway, so if u wan 2 kill me, go ahead!!! i won't blame u but i will thk u instead!!! i hate u, why can't u juz let me die... if i die, i won't be going through all tis now!!! i hope i can go blind so tat i can kill myself... i juz dun wan 2 live in tis problematic world!!! i haf tolerate it 4 so long & i really had enough!!! i hope 1 of tis day i can kill myself... if really another prob comes, i will juz disappear & i won't even come back again!!! i had enough & i can't take all tis prob again!!! i really can't take it... i really dun noe wad 2 do & i'm still having fever & flu, idiot... i dun noe how, i'm so sick everyday... then somebody tel me, she say i did not haf enough sleep tat's why i can't recover but i juz couldn't sleep, how 2 sleep??? i really dun noe!!! i'm really going through a hell life... idiot!!! hope i can nv recover & die soon!!! idiot... i still can rmb wad my mum say 2 me tat time, she say she went 2 de god & de god ask me 2 be careful, my mum say u muz be careful cuz tis year u will die but juz u dun noe when??? so i was wondering when will i die??? JULY, AGUST, SPTEMBER, OCTOBER, NOVEMBER, DECEMBER??? HAIS... i though maybe die early could be better...
thk ... 4 all ur words!!! rmb wad i told u... if i disappear 1 day, i really wan 2 see u!!!
LIER LIER LIER LIER LIER LIER!!! u haf forgotten everything i guess!!! u nv keep up to ur words!!! nobody will understand tis!!!
i cry everyday but still, i really dun noe... u dun like then u think i like!!! u will nv understand me!!! i cry for a reason, pls, i won't cry 4 nth!!! if u can find a reason 4 me 2 stop crying then tel me, if u can't then juz leave it since u dun care anyway!!! i'm sorry but tis is how i feel!!! i'm really sad!!! u won't care abt me, i noe & i can feel!!! u won't understand pls... only ... will understand how i feel... tis week alot of things haf happen & u won't even noe!!! i miss u like hell, but then u won't even care... i dun noe, u claim tat u will care 4 me but i juz couldn't feel it... "PROMISE R MEANT 2 BE BROKEN" tis is 1 of de things tat i haf learnt from u... i juz couldn't get u, when i needed u so much??? i think if i were 2 die, u won't even noe, by de time u noe, it will be too late then... everything u say is not true, u juz break all ur promise... u r forever busy... sorry, tis is how i feel...
blog ar, can u help me, i'm really upset!!! :(
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah, yeah
And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you
promise me tat u won't leave me!!!
11:59 PM
Friday, June 27, 2008
i waited & waited 4 u everyday... i'm so sick but still i keep think of u, hoping tat all de calls were from u??? hais... i didn't give up, i juz wait & wait but wad i can in de end??? dissapointed!!! i dun wan 2 eat my medicine, it juz make me wan to voimit!!! i miss u so much, why can't u understand??? if u wan, u could haf say sorry 2 me by urself!!! sometimes i juz wan to give up everything but when i think of it... i juz wan 2 go far far away, u noe??? i wish & i wish i were dead but now i noe i'm living... maybe i dun haf a good life but since i haf tolerate it for so many years... juz continue... but i think do i deserve 2 be in tis world??? i dun noe... i dun haf faith in myself??? i'm really stupid enough 2 make all tis!!! i'm sorry!!! sorry k... a bad person dun deserve 2 be love!!! UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS!!! dear blog, can u help me!!! i dun noe who 2 turn too??? i rather i fall sick 4ever... i juz hope u can recover... i dun noe why i keep think of u... i pray 4 u too & i do all i can 4 u but i still feel tat i didn't do enough things for u!!! i dun noe!!! i miss whoa, beela, sha, fiona, dewi... hais... thk whoa...
promise me tat u won't leave me!!!
10:08 PM
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
my precious!!! i juz read ur blog!!! i was wondering who r u refering too??? you say u will love tat person & u say it is worth giving u tat chance but if u were given tis chance, will u treasure it??? i dun noe ur ans??? only u noe!!! i juz hope everything goes well... well, i spend de whole nite thinking ytd, after u hang up de phone... i went 2 my mum room, wanted 2 tel my mum everything abt me... but when i think of it, if i say everything out, all de prob will turn out 2 be in a mess, my mum will make a big fuss out of it & i will go crazy & i might even get into trouble... my mum could even call de police... so i decided not 2 tel... ytd my aunt came!!! i was sleeping, had fever & when my aunt came into my room & she wake me up, wanted 2 talk 2 me but i juz couldn't wake up, i heard her voice but i juz couldn't open my eyes... was really sick ytd... but still, i manage 2 wake up later & i told my aunt i was guilty 4 not waking up juz now... then my aunt say nvm, ur mum told me u r sick so go & rest, dun think too much... ya, so i went 2 sleep... was really very tired, juz wish i could sleep 4ever & nv see de sun rise again but it's not going 2 happen... then as i say, i spend de whole nite thinking??? thinking of??? i really told myself i say i will not give myself prob & i wan us 2 be close again... but i juz felt so indifferent... u r precious 2 me... i dun wan 2 lose u & i hope i can nv lose u!!! i called u ytd but u wanted 2 rest & anyway i need 2 rest so i didn't talk much 2 u!!! jus hope u can recover soon!!! i miss u much, yes!!! but still... everyday i juz cry secretly & i juz cried after reading ur blog!!! i juz dun noe who r u refering too!!! but still, u get ur chance now, will u prove it 2 tat person tat by giving u tat chance is a rite decision??? yes, i love u, u love her!!! but still we can't go beyond tat, u noe tis & i noe it too!!! ya, i agree tat Winning someone's heart is not easy!!! it's really not easy... but juz hope everyone could juz treasure their love ones... i hope tis decision tat we haf made can be worth while... i read my diary everyday & i update it everyday cuz now, everyday mean so much 2 me... wadever i do, i will still think of u but thinking of u make me feel better... if i haf nv think of u, wadever i do now, i may choose 2 die... but now, i won't becuz of u & whoa... i will live & i will promise even if we can't be tgt, if u stay wif me, i will live... ya, now i can feel it... ya, u did stay, not in relationship wise but in frenzship wise... ur presence means so much 2 me... everynite is a tourture cuz i juz couldn't sleep.. nowadays i lie on de sofa 2 juz wait 4 my brain 2 go 2 bed... i'm weary... everyday i'm doing de same thing & ytd when i look out at de window, i saw de sky... everything was blank & de sky was so dark... every blk was black & everyone was sleeping, all de neighbours haf already sleep, lights off but i'm still not in bed yet... u say This is the opportunity to let you feel my love for you just you my one and only love??? i dun noe who u refering too but i hope tat u will treasure tis chance given 2 u... i'm very weary already... u really didn't call me, waited 4 ur call everyday but still i didn't receive a single call from u but instead from him??? but nvm, i will still wait 4 ur call everyday hopefully 1 day i could receive a call from u... :( now i got no hp... i dun noe la... i will only love u & i juz hope everything will remains as de same... i won't get involve in love again... i will love u & in my heart there's only u... i won't let anyone replace u in my heart & it will remain like tis... u are really precious 2 me, even if we can't be tgt u will still be my precious 1!!! only u and whoa are precious 2 me... u & her juz makes my life so wonderful... i dun wan 2 lose de 2 of u & i juz wan 2 hold u & her 4ever... i juz miss those days when we play soccer tgt... lols, playing soccer could make me 4get everything & it's fun... juz thought of sth, i rmb got 1 time we play match tgt & it was raining & de court is wet then i rmb tat i play wif whoa then whoa keep fall down, ouch!!! whoa, it muz be pain rite!!! but still u r strong!!! i dun noe why, everyday i juz miss u so much wondering if u got miss me not??? hais, haf i found my ans??? i'm not sure too but i hope de ans will come out by it's own!!! oh ya, i 4got sth, u lie 2 me!!! u say u could let me hear de song tat u sang but u did not!!! u lier... hais... DOGGIE!!! thk 4 everything... wow, it's 3:55am now, so late... ok, i'm going 2 rest... i'm so sick... hope tml my fever will be gone & hope u can recover soon... take care...
u!!!
hais... u told me tat she ask u 2 tel me those 3 words... 4get it... we can't get tgt!!! i juz dun wan 2 get hurt again!!! i had enough of love... i really had enough... dun love me cuz i dun deserve 2 be loved... go 4 other girls... dun waste ur time on me... i dun wan 2 get involve wif love now!!! i juz lose a person & i dun wan 2 lose u in future so i think it's best if we can juz be frenz!!! i hope tat u can find a better girl which is 100% much more better than me... i'm not a good girl & u dun deserve 2 get me... it's a waste of time... dun call me so many times... 10 call in 1 day can really cause me troubles... somemore it's a guy... pls??? i hope we could be frenz... everything could be better... wad 4 fall in love when u r not even serious??? juz 4get it can... hey, let me tel u, i'm not as perfect as u think, i juz dun wan 2 get hurt again... i had enough of love... i'm scare of love already, i haf already lose hope in love so no point waiting 4 me... 4GET ME, SERIOUSLY, I'M NOT WORTH UR LOVE... I THK U 4 LOVING ME BUT I JUZ CAN'T FIND DE CHEMISTRY IN US!!! SORRY I DUN WAN 2 HURT UR FEELING & I JUZ DUN WAN U 2 WASTE UR TIME ON ME!!! I DUN WAN 2 PLAY WIF UR FEELINGS, U UNDERSTAND!!! I NOE IF TIS GOES ON FURTHER, MY PARENTS WILL COME 2 REALISED IT & I THINK SINCE WE HAF NOT EVEN STARTED, WHY NOT WE JUZ STAY AS GOOD FRENZ & DUN EVER THINK OF STARTING A RELATIONSHIP SO TAT U & ME WON'T GET INTO TROUBLE... I NOE IF MY MUM FIND OUT ABT US, SHE TOLD ME SHE WILL CALL POLICE 2 CATCH US WHICH I DUN WAN TIS 2 HAPPPEN SO I HOPE WE CAN REALLY BE GOOD FRENZ!!!
promise me tat u won't leave me!!!
3:56 AM
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
this is another song that i wrote... every song i wrote now, will have it's own meaning & 1 fine day, u will find the meaning in all the songs... i will write songs & hopefully it can add meaning 2 my life... now i find it so fun 2 write song... writing song can keep me busy... yes... i juz love u so much... missing u all day long... it's late now, my aunt is going 2 wake up 2 feed my cousin milk at 5am so i haf 2 go already... plus, i'm going 2 rest... take care... bye...
our memories together
are everlasting
each time you disappear from my eyes
the more i miss you
i end up reminscing about your smile
and the time our love first started to blossom
so much, "till the end of time"
as tears of sorrow trickle down my cheek
i'll love you faithfully
there is nothing that i'll regret
although this much can only keep me company
a thousand memories
give me the most beautiful
every second spent together
then finally, i'll leave myself to languish
from a life without your love
i end up reminscing about your smile
and the time our love first started to blossom
so much, "till the end of time"
as tears of sorrow trickle down my cheek
i'll love you faithfully
there is nothing that i'll regret
although this much can only keep me company
a thousand memories
give me the most beautiful
every second spent together
then finally, i'll leave myself to languish
from a life without your love
although this much can only keep me company
a thousand memories
give me the most beautiful
every second spent together
then finally, i'll leave myself to languish
from a life without your love
without your love
promise me tat u won't leave me!!!
4:54 AM
Monday, June 23, 2008
ok, finally now i can borrow my aunt laptop so i haf 2 faster blog before she wake up... after 2day, i dun noe if my com will recover anot, if my dad frenz can fixed de com then good if cannot then i dun noe when i can blog again... then i still haven get back my phone, now i got 1 phone but i dun noe wad if suddenly my mum rmb tat i haf de phone & she wan 2 take it from me then i sure can't contact dear... then house phone also i dun noe now if i can use anot??? hais... i haf so many different feelings... it's so complicated... hopefully ppl call me i can use de house phone!!! hais...
Dear,
it's so early now... hmm, juz can't sleep well last night so juz wake up early... u noe ytd de whole nite i was so sad, i juz miss u so much... u wouldn't noe cuz u r very happy... u noe sometimes a call from u will make so much different 2 my day... but i dun noe la... wad happens, has already happen... i juz hope de future will be better 4 everyone!!! i've got so much things 2 say... it's alot but then i'm very tired... everything has change... i hope we can be like in de past, like how we were close before??? talk on de phone everynite, share our prob tgt!!! i hope after tis decision tat haf been made, we will haf better days ahead... i noe u hide sth from me... u noe & i won't tel... god noes too... but nvm, i dun wan 2 noe, u noe it urself... so much haf happen, "so much"!!! hopefully now things can work & get better... if i haf de chance i will surely turn back de clock... someone told me tat, i should be happy cuz i'm de 1st person tat u really love & de 1st person tat u really get tgt de longest... i dun noe if it's true... but then i'm happy tat for tis 7months 23 days i could be wif u, spending all my times with u, having de love from u, hanging out wif u!!! i think tis is true love, although we can't last but still it is counted as true love cuz we did love each other rite??? i haf learn alot of things from u & i hope after tis we can continue 2 learn more things from each other... let me tel u tat, u r de 1st person which make me feel tat there's meaning in my life & u r de 1st person which i haf get tgt 4 de longest time & de 1st person 2 give me so much memories and de 1st person who cares 4 me so much... u r de most important person in my life once & now wad is done is done, we can't undo it... so juz continue 2 live life and make sure we dun regret... u taught me alot of things... although we do hurt each other some time but hopefully we won't hurt each other in future again!!! hey, i juz got so much things 2 tel u, but i need a break, i tel u my eye is full wif water, all de tears are flowing down and if i dun clean, de floor will be filled wif my TEARS!!! everyone haf good & bad times but we juz haf 2 go through it all... thanks 4 everything... i juz hope tat everything will goes on smoothly & i hope all my prob can be wash away... u noe, u inspired me alot & i rmb u told me tat i inspired u too... so if we really inspired each other then we shall continue 2 do so, so tat wadever prob or things we face in future, at least we noe tat we are there 2 inspired each other... hey, u DOGGIE!!! i juz dun noe wad 2 do, i feel so hurt, yes!!! why, cuz it's so painful 2 let go but i guess u haf 2 give me time!!! PROMISE ME!!! cuz ytd u say u will give me time so i hope time will prove everything... nvm, i will stay strong... i'm a strong person & i will not be childish... i haf grown up... i muz move on no matter wad... if ever i wan 2 die, pls stop me!!! then i rmb u told me tat i'm a good girl and u say u noe wad i will do!!! oh my god... i'm sorry 4 all de troubles all tis while, i'm tired & i juz hope tat i can 4get all my prob... forgive me my weakness... i felt miserable cuz i really couldn't sleep at nite then i haf 2 end up sleeping late & i felt miserable cuz of so many prob & i feel sad... If u live to be a hundred, I wan to live to be ninety-nine so I nv have to live without u... i feel tat there's a cut in my heart u noe why, cuz everything has changed... but nvm, i hope de cut can cure faster... i hope i can play soccer so tat i can forget everything... DOGGIE!!! dun say i bitch la, u dog... hais... i dun noe if i should laugh or cry but thinking back of wad u say on de phone ytd, make me wan 2 laugh... i can feel u r happy & ur tone sounds so happy as if there's rainbow on de sky rite now, oh my god, i think ur phone is dirty, all filled wif ur saliva, u nv wash ur phone after u kiss de phone rite??? lols, jk jk... but after u hang up, i started 2 cry & i think... i really dun wan us 2 be affected... cuz de past few days becuz of our prob, we keep quarrel & i dun wan 2 quarrel everyday... i really dun noe why i'm juz so upset but still if u r happy, i'm happy 4 u... i really cannot go on anymore, i got alot more things 2 tel u but i really need a break... i can't control my tears from dripping, it's so irrtating... One day if u ask me which is more important, u or my life??? And I will say my life, and u will walk away not knowing tat u are my life... but i hope everything will be alrite 4 everyone!!! There is no future, there is no past. I live tis moment as my last... There's only us, there's only tis, forget regret, or life is yours to miss, no other road, no other way, no day but today... so i wan u 2 noe tat i will love u always & u will always be there in my heart... maybe we can't be tgt but loving a frenz could be better... i rmb tat, u say "de bond in us will stay like tis forever" and hope it will stay like tis forever... ok, i'm having difficulty in breathing, i need 2 rest now... PLS DUN LIE DOWN WHEN U CAN'T BREATH AND DRINK LOTS OF PLAIN WATER AND PLUS GET ENOUGH REST!!! DUN DRINK COLD WATER CAN... take care & wait, before u go, scoll down, i got sth 4 u!!! <3
"huda"
huda, i choose tis song on my blog cuz tis songs has a meaning of de 2 of us & i think u noe de reason rite!!! so ya, tis song make me rmb de times we had tgt & it juz haf so much meaning... i juz miss huda... i dun noe why, i juz hope she can get her... but no matter wad, hope huda can cheer up... i feel i juz haf a line drawn 2 huda... without u, i will miss u much, i dun noe why... but i hope we will be happy again... i rmb u told me tat, we may fail in love but we may not fail in other things and i agreed wif u... i think by playing soccer, really it can helps me 2 forget everything, u noe when i play soccer, i can really forget everything, so huda, play soccer often so tat u won't think of so much prob... dun give up no matter wad, wadever u do, i will support u... Have fun, Be good, Smile, Laugh, Hug, But mostly, love... take care & cheer up... i miss u lots!!! <3
"jean"
then 4 jean, i really dun noe how??? i juz hope tat we can go back 2 de past... jean, i juz wan u 2 noe tat i miss u very much & i hope tat everything tat u do, u will be happy... i miss u & i hope we can still talk... i dun wish 2 end our frenzship cuz i still care... i really hope tis frenzship tat we haf will nv stop... i miss those times when we are so close... i really hope we can still hang out tgt i really dun wan our 4 years of frenzship 2 end juz like tat... juz take care & i hope tat everything will goes on smoothly 4 u... <3
"sha"
dun worry, u tag me, u say u will think, dun think too much... yeah, i agreed tat we are mature & we will move on no matter wad... in life, we will always haf good & bad times... so no matter wad prob we face in future, be it good or bad, we juz haf 2 move on & learn our mistake... every prob we face, we juz haf 2 treat it as a lesson learnt!!! god is always testing us & we muz thank god, cuz if god didn't test us, we won't learn our lesson & we will continue 2 make de same mistakes... so wad happen has past, now tat we haf learn our lesson, we muz noe wad is our mistake & we muz prevent from making de same mistakes again... it hurts me so much but still i haf 2 be strong, all of us are strong & we can overcome any things if we unite as one again!!! take care mummy... i miss u!!! <3>
i haf a song 4 u too... all de words are so powerful, i think every sentence i wrote has a great meaning... i hope tat after this... everything will be fine!!!
"it goes on, no matter wad"
Everyone muz go through a storm to get to a rainbow...
Sometimes it's de things tat u can't do, tat bring out de brilliance of wad u can!!!
It really hurts when u expected so much more from de person u once loved so much...
When I saw how much pain love could bring I felt sorry for those in love, when I saw how much joy love could bring I envied those in love...
Life would go on smoothly if we only knew wad to do with it...
If love is not worth waiting for, it's not worth having...
Where life exists, love exists...
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on...
Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved...
Take a look at wad u have. Think of all u did to get it...
Remember it only takes one second to lose everything tat you haf...
De love we have is God's gift to us, what we do with it is our gift to God...
Make it perfect, u never noe when de last time will be...
Wad lies behind us and wad lies before us are tiny matters compared to wad lies within us...
Life is not measured by de number of breaths we take, but by de moments tat take our breath away...
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on...
"""Life is a journey of experience's, and in tis journey we meet many people each day. Some we forget de next moment, BUT some we cherish throughout our lives. It is these people who give a 'true meaning' to our lives, Not where I breath, but where I love, I live, Love is wad we were born with. Fear is wad we learned here!!!"""
U were my strength when I was weak, u were my voice when I couldn't speak, u were my eyes when I couldn't see; u saw de best there was in me...
Dance like no one's watching, sing like no one's listening, love like you'll never get hurt, and live like it's heaven on Earth!!!
If u wan de rainbow, u must first go through de rain...
Sometimes wad u want isn't always wad u get, but in the end wad u get is so much better than wad u wanted...
U can close ur eyes to things u don't wan to see, but u can't close ur heart to de things u dun't wan to feel...
There is only one key and one lock, and tat is u and me...
If I could be anything, I would be ur tear so I could be born in ur eyes, live down ur cheek, and die on ur lips...
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on...
Take away love and de earth is a tomb...
Breaking up is jus like having de worst nightmare after having de best dream...
U will never noe love unless u surrender to it...
Never let love get de best of u, but u should always try to get de best of love...
Isn't it ironic how we ignore de ones tat adore us, and yet we adore tat ones tat ignore us???
Not all scars show, not all wounds heal, somtimes u can't always see the pain someone feels...
Love happens whether u want it to or not. Don't try to control it...
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on...
promise me tat u won't leave me!!!
6:34 AM
Sunday, June 22, 2008
ok, finally now my uncle is asleep, and here i'm blogging... i dun noe when i can use com again but i think i won't blog anymore... i will end everything, i'm juz so tired... why??? i only wan dear 2 come back, i also cannot contact dear & i'm very miserable... i juz wan 2 talk 2 her but i dun noe how??? i wan 2 leave everything... i will end all de prob by myself... i really hate it... i dun noe how, i really won't come back unless dear dun leave me... i dun noe can, if she can juz stay & we dun fight then everything will be alrite but i dun noe can... i though of juz 4get everything & dun talk abt our prob & juz help each other but tat time dear suddenly ask me sth in de bus & then from there slowly i start 2 think abt our prob & untill now we haf so much misunderstanding... tat time i told myself not 2 think abt our prob & juz treat everything as per normal but out of no where, she suddenly bring out tis subject & now i dun noe how??? i dun wish 2 live, i really cannot contact dear, i dun noe wad 2 do now??? i wan dear... Arrrrr... i will end everything already, i dun noe wad 2 do... i juz miss her so much... take care...
cousin, dun worry juz take care of urself... let me rest in peace... i won't blog anymore... juz take care... dun worry abt me, i'm a failure & i'm sorry 4 everything, dun tel them anything, i dun wan them 2 noe, u juz dun worry too much abt me k... i juz dun noe wad 2 do & i'm going crazy...
Tell me where the rainbow is
Could you still give me back my wish
Why is the sky so silent?
All of the clouds are running to me
Is there a mask for me?
Recalling too much of the past words can accomplish nothing
Perhaps time is a kind of antidote
And also the first poison I'm taking now
I could not see your smile, how can I sleep well
Your silhouette is so close to me, yet I cannot embrace it
Without earth, the sun can still circle around
Without reasons, I also can walk alone
You want to go away, I know that is very easy
You said dependence is our obstacle
Even if we break up, but couldn't you not receive my love
Assuming I'm the last to understand
fang, i dun noe how??? thk 4 de words... perhaps i will listen 2 u... i need a break... i hope tat u will be fine after all!!! tis few days there seem 2 be alot of quarreling... u should noe, it's very tiring 2 quarrel everyday, in fact ytd also we quarrel!!! ENOUGH!!! let's take a break & i hope tis break could helps... i dun noe wad 2 say, if u dun care then dun bother, juz call me & u say wadever la??? u think it's funny!!! i was angry, but then i did not fight wif u, cuz u r de 1 who has attitude prob, not me... i juz wan 2 haf peace, i've been having nightmare since de day we quarrel till now... how many days already??? i hope when i leave now, i will be able 2 sleep in peace 4 tis few days... dun contact me??? leave me alone!!! i juz dun wan 2 talk 2 anyone now!!! PEACE!!! dun worry, u r busy, yes, i noe u r... everytime i called u, u will say u r busy, fine, busy then busy... let us cool down cuz i noe if we continue 2 talk, we will fight & i dun wan tis 2 happen, i'm really having headach, i need a break!!! i hope tis few days when i'm not around, we can haf some peace... there's alot of prob, which u won't noe!!! so juz leave it... i ask myself tis question & i wan 2 find de ans but i can't... i ask if we were 2 end "everything" will u still care 4 me??? my ans 4 NOW is i think no!!! cuz nowadays we haven end "everything" & de way u talk 2 me is very hurting!!! ya... we do get hurt but if everyday i'm getting hurt, can i live in peace, NO!!! then take ytd 4 example, de way u react, i was very angry then when i went home, i ask myself why muz u react tis way??? but i believe u... juz take care of ur toes... so i choose 2 leave now... i think it could be a good time 4 us 2 go & think through wad we really wan!!! so dun contact me... hopefully after we haf think through then we shall talk again!!! TAKE TIS TIME 2 THINK THROUGH & GIVE OURSELF SOME PEACE!!! i agree, peace seldom come... so now we shall create peace for ourself, tis way things will be better 4 de both of us... fang: ru guo wo zuo chuo le jue ding... na jue rang wo chen dan yi qie... wo mei yi zhi dou you wen ti, dan, ni mei zhi dou zai bang wo... wo hen gan xie ni... ke shi zhe yi chi, wo pai wo hui zuo chuo yi ge jue ding, wo pu yao hou hui, ni zhi dao wo zai jiang zhen mei... dui pu qi!!! sorry!!! take care!!! fang, thk 4 de words... thk 4 de advise... i guess i really need a break, i'm really miserable, i juz wan 2 leave everything 4 a while... so dun worry, i will make sure i find back myself... u dun worry, take care alrite!!! see ya soon!!!
huda, dun feel guilty... no matter wad happens, i won't blame u... cheer up & dun be sad... i told u tat it is unfair... so juz leave it!!! sorry huda, i will not call u but after when i'm ready 2 talk then i will call u... i think 4 now, u should not think too much... take care & be happy... dun worry too much & think too much... huda, thk 4 everything... i miss u & thk 4 helping me all tis while, i dun noe wad 2 say but i juz miss u so much... take care k... sha, i dun noe wad 2 say, i miss de time i spend wif u, i still can rmb tat time when we went airport tgt, u juz make my day...
thk sha... thk 4 ur help when i neede u... i noe i'm not a good frenz but still thk 4 being there wif me always... u noe de reason tat make me feel so lost is i juz can't find myself back, i'm having so much confusion & i dun noe wad 2 do... thk 4 talking 2 me... hais, mummy, no matter wad i will still love u... i miss u so much, muz take care of urself... i'm so tired... nabila, ya, i agree wif u... but then i dun noe wad 2 do... thk 4 de msg... i miss all de times when we share our prob... u noe u reminds me of sth... u told me... no no, cannot... somemore we are so close later "F" WILL THINK OTHER WAY ROUND... ya, so juz be ourself... nabila, sorry... thk 4 accompanying me all de times & thk 4 being there wif me everytime... nabila, dun think too much already... i miss u, hope i can hear ur voice & see u again... take care k...
jean, i miss u... i dun noe wad happen... maybe we dun haf prob but then i dun noe... i really hope everything will be back 2 normal... i juz miss those times when we haf so much fun... hope we can be like in de past again, but now i dun think can...
jean, i'm sorry if i make u angry or wad but i did not fail 2 think of u... i really miss u alot & i ask peisi alot of things abt u... i hope we can still be close again... i think now i won't be able 2 do tat... i really wan 2 leave everything... i'm sorry jean... pls take care of urself... sorry & thk 4 being there for me all those while... take care...
liting, hey, miss u like hell... hmm, tat time i nv call u back... sorry, was busy... hope jean, u & me can be close again... hais... liting... so much has happen... i dun noe wad 2 do... i miss u so much... i really dun noe wad 2 do, everybody haf their own life now... we can't meet up so often... u dun work so much k... take care...
i dun wan 2 go on anymore but i juz wan 2 tel huda, sha, nabila, fiona, fang, peisi, bear, liting, jean & u tat i juz miss u guys alot... thk 4 being there 4 me always... i'm always having prob??? hais... i juz hate everything... i think tis will be my last post already... pls take care of urself k... i'm sorry 2 give u guys so much prob... anyway i won't 4get all de times we spend tgt... take care everyone!!! huiqin, take care of urself, dun worry abt de person who fake as u, juz 4get abt it... sorry k...
promise me tat u won't leave me!!!
2:07 PM
Saturday, June 21, 2008
on de 18 my family & my cousin all went 2 malaysia then after sending them i went 2 my grandma house... then at my grandma house i haf 2 faster blog cuz later my uncle suddenly wake up then i will get scolded and i can't use com already... so i shall start blogging abt de past few days... had asthma ytd... another attack!!! juz wish i could juz stop breathing & die... hmm, i really dun noe why tis year i had so many attack... i dun noe if i should believe de doctor... he ask me dun drink too much cold water, rest more, dun get too agitated or too excited and dun keep crying... i also dun noe how he noe tat i cry??? does crying affect my asthma??? hais... i really dun noe... i'm juz so upset... i juz can't breath properly tis few days & i haf been coughing 4 almost a week already... i dun noe why??? i juz felt so miserable... i'm sick... pig la... i really hate it... i miss dear... i ask her dun contact me & so i won't contact her cuz i scare later if we contact we will fight!!! "compromise" hais... why muz tis happen, i dun noe why i juz keep think of our prob!!! i dun noe!!! i hope everything can be solve!!! it's late now... i dun noe why, i juz can't sleep... hais... almost everyday i sleep at around 5 or 6am... then i haf 2 wake up at 11 2 follow my grandma... i really dun noe why??? i'm like so tired... everyday is de same... hais... how???
promise me tat u won't leave me!!!
3:44 AM
Friday, June 20, 2008
说好的三年不见面用我们的爱把时间留住你笑着说这是我们的考验我们的约定就这样三年又过了我还是回到这个地方闭上眼等你的出现空气中吻你的脸我还记得我们的约定一辈子幸福的约定为你写的那首歌他也偷偷的掉泪了我还记得我们的约定我比以前还更爱你了连那风都笑我了我想他会告诉你的我更爱你了我想他会告诉你的你会记得我们的约定一辈子幸福的约定为你写的那首歌他也偷偷的掉泪了我还记得我们的约定我比以前还更爱你了迎着风我也笑了他一定会告诉你的我更爱你了
dear, i juz miss u so much... i dun noe wad 2 do??? i dun noe how much time i haf but then i really wan 2 treasure de time & spend all de times wif u happily but i dun think can already... i really can't sleep everynite, i dun noe why can??? sometime i juz wish i can fall a sleep & nv wake up again... hmm, i dun noe i juz hope u will give me time... it hurts me when u leave... it's going 2 be painful 2 let u go... i juz dun noe, i'm confuse... i hate my life... it's very late now, i think u are in bed... tis few days i keep sleep late & i really dun noe why, i sleep also cannot sleep in peace, i juz wish i'm dead so tat i won't haf 2 sleep... i juz love u so much... i dun noe...
i thought of sth...
In fairy tales it begins with, ‘Once upon a time... and they lived happily ever after,’ but in real life it begins with, ‘They lived happily ever after... once upon a time... When u were born, u were crying and everyone around u was smiling... Live ur life so that when u die, you're smiling and everyone around u is crying... When u love, there's no such thing as loving a little, but loving all de way... Love may not ask u to give up ur life, but it will require lots of sacrifices... The greatest ironies of life: having de right person at de wrong time, having de wrong person when de time is right, and finding out that u love someone after that person walks out of your sight ... Love for a loss can make u die, but love for a life will grant u immortality... To love someone is nothing... To be loved by someone is something... To love and be loved by someone is everything... It's true we don't know what we've got until its gone, but we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives... You can plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather... What do you live for when all you were living for is gone??? I would give up everything for one moment with you; for one moment is better than a life time of never knowing you... If the world ended today, would you be at peace with the amount of love you shared??? If you enjoy your life to its fullest, love will come and keep you company... Once you love, you cannot take it back, cannot undo it. What you felt may have changed, shifted slightly, yet still remains love... We are who we are, how we got here doesn't matter. What matters is- what do we do know??? Fulfillment does not lie in your dreams alone; life would not be complete without one loving and someone loving one in return... The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return... The most precious love occurs without choice, and when you least expect it... Love may be magic, but remember, magic can also be an illusion... Relationships are like being branded, once you get into one it sticks with you forever... Love is like a tree in the four seasons of change. It can either bloom and blossom into a warm, loving relationship, or it can slowly turn, fade, and die, and grow unbearably bitter and cold... To live life to its fullest is to know how to really love someone even if it means having a heart broken or an unsuccessful love... Love is like a butterfly, the more you pursue it the more it eludes you, but if you are calm and still it will land on you shoulder... Saying I LOVE YOU is a major decision in one's life. Those words should be kept in your heart untill you're ready to commit, to fight for that feeling and to stand by those words forever... Falling in love is easy, staying in love requires work... Life is a song - sing it. Life is a game - play it. Life is a challenge - meet it. Life is a dream - realize it. Life is a sacrifice - offer it. Life is love - enjoy it... To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing...
promise me tat u won't leave me!!!
3:37 AM
Thursday, June 19, 2008
now, i'm using my uncle com, i dun noe wad time he will be back & i can't use long... so now i faster post... i really cannot take it, i really can't sleep in peace, i dun noe wad happen, there's alot of things bothering me... dear, where r u??? i juz miss u but u dun seems 2 noe... i really dun noe wad 2 do, i really cannot sleep well, there's really alot of prob going on... why??? i dun noe, i noe i'm very confuse now... there's misunderstanding in between us & i dun noe how 2 clear tis prob... i'm very stress up, can u teach me wad 2 do??? i'm having headach, it's so miserable... i juz wan u but i dun noe... Arrrrrrrrr... i dun wish 2 carry on... i wan 2 give up everything... i'm very tired... if i live everyday without u, i will not live!!! i will not come back unless u stay wif me & promise not 2 leave me... i dun noe anymore... i juz wan 2 give up everything...
promise me tat u won't leave me!!!
11:56 PM
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
i will be going 2 another place, my family will be going 2 malaysia tml... i hope tis few days we can haf some peace cuz i'm really very tired... i juz wan 2 haf a good sleep 4 tis few days... hopefully tis is a time where we should take a break...
promise me tat u won't leave me!!!
11:51 PM
Sunday, June 15, 2008
i dun noe wad 2 post!!! i miss u!!! hais!!! maybe we can only be frenz... i really dun noe!!! i got feelings 4 u somehow, but then i though through alot of things... hais!!! i also dun noe abt u!!! although u got tel me u like me, but then i still dun noe wad i should do!!! do u noe tat, i keep thinking abt u!!! can u tel me wad i should do!!! cause i really can't make up my mind!!! i scare i might make things worst!!! actually i got alot of things 2 tell u, but i juz dun dare to tell u!!! then everynight i dun noe why, somehow i will call u!!! i juz can't stop myself, do u noe tat!!! i think tis few days, we really nv really talk!!! maybe got sth happen or maybe there is a prob wif me!!! i juz hope tat u will call me again!!! although jus now i put down, but i still hope u will call me again!!! if u dun call, i hope u will msg me!!! but i think 2nite i will either wait 4 ur msg or ur calls!!! i juz wan 2 tel u tat u always give me hopes!!! i hope u will see tis post!!! i will wait 4 ur calls & msg!!!
promise me tat u won't leave me!!!
3:21 AM
Saturday, June 14, 2008
u dun understand me at all!!! hais!!! i really got nth to say!!! i noe tat u will not trust me anymore!!! but then i didn't noe tat things will turn out 2 become so serious!!! u dun even noe how miserable i am!!! i really can't handle wad!!! then why muz u give me so much things 2 do!!! i feel so preesurize!!! if only 1 day i can leave tis world, I WILL DEFINITELY BE VERY HAPPY!!! hais!!! i really dun noe!!! haiya u everytime not at home, i really dun noe can!!! i dun wan 2 continue, i feel very useless can!!! can u stop giving me so many problems!!! i really dun understand so many things!!! but then u everytime blame me 4 all de things!!! wa lao!!! u really dun noe tat kind of feelings how i feel!!! it's so terrible man!!! whenever i think of all de things, i relly feel like crying out!!! why??? i really dun noe wad kind of life is tis man!!!
then ytd someone tel me, maybe god is testing me!!! but then is really too much la!!! how can i handle so many problem!!! hello!!! pls la!!! i hate tis kind of life!!! i'm scare can!!! i juz dun noe how!!! too much means too much!!! i bet u sleep very well ytd!!! but then i can't even get 2 sleep properly!!! i really scare alot of things, somemore i got so many things 2 regret!!! i scare even if i die, i still can't do de things i like!!! i really regret alot of things in de past!!! but then now, i really dun wan to regret la!!! i jus dun noe!!! i really got alot of things which i haven even do yet!!! how i wish i can really go and do it!!! but then wif u around!!! i noe tat u will say no to everything!!! i really dun noe la!!! hais!!! i'm really unhappy!!! but then i'm grateful to god, cause god did give me alot of frenz!!! i think without them, i think i'm already dead!!! i'm really unhappy!!!
promise me tat u won't leave me!!!
2:48 AM
